He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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