I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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