just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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