He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
