He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
