I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
