i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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