I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
