a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
