do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
