Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
