You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
