Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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