I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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