Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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