you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
