Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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