I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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