guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
