Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
