it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
