i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
