Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
