I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
