words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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