I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
