I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
