I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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