i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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