Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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