just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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