I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
