Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
