You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize