I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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