listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
