Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
