if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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