ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
