i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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