I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
