they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
