Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
