I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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