On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
