i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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