I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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