At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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