I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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