When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
