how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
