ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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