you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
