I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize