U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
