In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
