somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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