I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
