Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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