The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
