Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
