i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
